So why can't I just tell you that I care

This would probably be my last post before I leave, Daddy doesn't want me to take the camera with me so I'm sorry, no pictures this time round.
Travis would be coming back from Australia today, after he visit his parents he'll be driving from here Mummy's place, if he has his camera & laptop with him I guess I'll be able to do some updating (:

& I hope this time round there won't be a repeat of juggling-the-eggs, dear Travis.

Bye larl-lings, love y'all!


& make sure y'all don't forget me!

You're standing at the door, I'm falling to the floor

I may be crawling over broken glass just to get to you, & I may not be the same as before, but I am still, everything that she's not.

I'm sorry if any of you had expected me to break down & cry.
The last time I let all of you have your way, I hurt a heart needlessly & I had to tear myself apart.
There were so many misunderstandings, & untill now I still don't know where to start.
This time round you'll have to shoot me dead before I'd give up, otherwise I won't walk away without putting up a good fight & giving it my best shot.

Like it or not, this is Stacy, for you.

My head is spinning but my heart is in the right place

3 cheers for Stacy, I survived leading dance today!

My dearest P2 girls are so crazy over Joel, I promise.
During contact cell today I had to threaten them by saying that I'll go to him & get him over before they would keep quiet & pay attention to the lesson.

Apparently our "natural born actor" is, "too loved".

The time now is 3.52 AM & in less than 12 hours I'd be leaving Singapore, believe it or not I've yet to finish packing my things.

Would've bled to make you happy, you didn't need to treat me that way

I hate me for putting myself in such turmoil, because I know I'm not obliged to care.
& sometimes it's so heartbreaking, I can't even bring myself to look.

The only way that I can show you how much I care, is by putting all the blame on me & making it seem like I hate you, right down to the core.

Six foot tall, came without a warning so I had to shoot him dead

I'm back, with a slight bump on my forehead, chipped nail polish, rather nasty aches, a broken toenail, & throughly exhausted ):

I was supposed to meet Fiona for lunch at 1230 today, & I received a sms from her at 1215 saying: I just woke up -.-

The whole event was fun, yay, though I got rather pissed off at some parts.
It was nice having Fiona around, afterall we haven't met up in so long, it was nice catching up, listening to her talk rubbish was rather entertaining (:

Love you stupid Bangladeshi best friend!

[edit]

Just received a Friendster comment from Wenkai that says:
Pro-ed captain's ball skill display there by miss stayC hahahaha almost kanna trashed by her and her gang, lucky got me to balance the game heehee

-.-

Hahah Kai, hahah.

[/edit]

Currently in a conversation with Fiona & this guy called Raymond (aka tinylittleturtle HAHAHAH), he wants to form an anti-fastfood team because the pay they offer is too low.

& he seems to be almost serious about forming the team -.-

Feeling feverish, & my throat is killing me, JG Sports Day tomorrow, hopefully I'll feel better by then, looking forward to it but NOT looking forward to breaking my nails.

(Maybe mummy would want to do acrylic nail extensions for me...)

There's something about you, & you don't even know it

The both of us have once tried, & failed.
I never wanted to say the things that I didn't mean, when I made it seem like I was moving on, I was all along rooted at the same spot.
I forgot how it ended up like this, I was supposed to save some dignity for myself, somehow I just eventually found myself going with the flow, & I wasn't even looking back.

I thought I could just ditch everything & forget about all that has happened.

But it was so complicated, so messed up, I couldn't even find the words to explain it to myself.

Maybe it was the look in your eyes, or the smile on your face.

Or maybe it has just been me, all along.

Everyone knows once I move on I'd never look back.
This time maybe, just maybe, I'll be breaking the rules that I had set for myself.

The one consequence?
I'll probably get my heart broken all over again.

Hello sexy voice!

I can't believe myself, I slept at 5 yesterday & this morning I actually got up at 7 (note: 2 hours of sleep!!!) & I still had enough time to down a cup of coffee before leaving the house.

Met the older brother at Lavender MRT before going to church, & when we were there we realised that we had absolutely no idea who our musicians were so we had to go around hunting for people, & as if that wasn't bad enough, everyone was all over the place & perhaps it was due to the pathetic amount of sleep I had, or maybe it was because the caffeine hadn't kicked it, but I got rather pissed off & I almost, very nearly, screamed at someone who was getting in my way.

Felt better, eventually.
Today was definitely a first & before that I was still telling Kang about how nervous I felt, & YES I did make a few blunders here & there, but then I can't deny the fact that I had fun being like a little kid, together with the older brother & Warren.

Thank you Kang for being such a wonderful assistant leader & for all the help but no thanks for leaving me alone to deal with the 14 kids from team Yellow halfway.

After Kang left I had to do a "one lady show", I had SUCH a difficult time controlling the kids & I lost count of how many times I had to shout at them, probably like 12543759604 times or something, & that probably explains why I have this, husky, sexayyyye, voice.
The kids were so noisy & I had this really nasty headache, to make things worst I didn't have any Panadol with me, I was THIS close to breaking point, I promise.

Didn't expect myself to last all the way untill the end of today's program, but by God's grace, tadah (:

I have a very good feeling that I'll wake up in the afternoon tomorrow.

You were finished long before we had even seen the start

Despite the lousy weather, I still made my way down to Pasir Ris, part of the reason for that decision was because Dickson already made me promise to go.

The stupid bus was freeeezing, my poor fingers were so numb I had to take a full minute just to reply Fiona's sms, & when she told me she wasn't staying over for the Sports Camp I was so agitated I think I would've strangled her if at that moment she was right infront of me, I was like IS THERE SUCH A THING IF YOU'RE NOT STAYING IN SCHOOL THEN WHY THE HELL AREN'T YOU GOING FOR THE CHALET!?!!

Dickson was so random today, when I was enjoying my drink he suddenly came up to me & went something like, YAY Stacy we're both wearing green today, & I'm like, yes, hahah.

While the guys were swimming & getting on the lifeguard's nerves (on purpose), Amelia & I were laughing away at Dickson & bitching about the, bitch, I had SUCH a fun time & Amelia is such a sweet girl, I promise.

Sudden thunderstorm totally caught me off guard & I got so freaked out, sometimes it really sucks to be keraunophobic, but I really can't help but get scared, it's been like this ever since, God-knows-when.
Thankfully the rain stopped while I was on the bus, when I was walking from the bus stop back home I had such, a wonderful time stepping into puddles.

Ahhhh leading worship tomorrow together with Korkor & Warren, I'm getting the jitters already!

Just when I thought I'd hit the bottom.

My tourniquet, my One & Only.

Hahah I secretly find this very entertaining.



I wonder how long he took to master this...

Just a moment ago I was telling Leandra about this & I casually mentioned that people like them have too much time to spare, & her reaction was humongous, she went something like "I think they're talented! Or maybe you're just jealous because you're slow & you can't pick it up."

I'm slow ):

Yesterday after I made an impromtu decision to stayover at Tabbi's, I decided to go home to get my stuffs & le frère plus âgé actually accompanied me back home all the way from church, waited for me while I took my own sweet time to pack my things (actually I wanted to hide from the thunderstorm outside), then took the train with me to Toa Payoh, before he went back down to City Hall to meet his family for dinner.

Ahhhh what would I do without le frère plus âgé!

Bitching session was gooood.
Even though Tabbi fell asleep, Isa & I actually talked for 4 straight hours, untill we eventually went to sleep at 330, hahah.

We talked about so many things & almost all of it made me miss someone especially much /:
(Don't jump to conclusions, because this person may not be who you think it is, heehee!)

I love m'ladies!

Watched Mission Impossible: 3 again this afternoon, & I think Tom Cruise is so, hot.

I've been reading so many random articles on Wikipedia, I seriously think I'm getting smarter day by day (heehee).

What if I said, I love you.

Could you remind me of a time when we felt so alive, do you remember that?

Yesterday night when I was on the phone with the older brother I totally tripped over the floor & fell.

Go ahead & make me your personal joke.

Hahah now thinking about it I feel so dumb, but then again at the same time I'm really amused at how I can amuse myself, I seriously think I'm the only person who can trip over the, floor.

(I can already picture Fiona sitting infront of her computer reading all of this & laughing at me)

& OH have I ever said how much I adore baby food, just a moment ago I was enjoying my apple & banana cereal when my mum came into the room,

Mum: Haven't you had your dinner, what's that you're eating?
Me: Oh, baby food.

My mum then gave me that usual, I-think-you're-nuts, look.

Anyway, today I went for lunch together with my family to celebrate grandad's birthday, & on the way home from JG I was just thinking of how quickly time flies, when I was this reeeaalllyyy young girl grandad always used to fetch me from the kindergarten, & he was always the one to take me to the playgrounds & push me on the swings.
When I was 6, grandad went to China for a holiday & I remember before he left I cried really really hard & I literally begged him to take me with him, because I thought he'd adore the life there so much he wouldn't come back to Singapore anymore, & I'd never get to see him again.
Come to think of it, I was such a spoilt brat then, I really wonder how grandad could put up with all of my hissy-fits.

On my 15th birthday, grandad got me a Barbie doll & when he gave me the present I thought it was rather ridiculous because for all I know 15 year old girls don't bother about Barbie dolls, but when grandad told me, "you'll always be the same 5 year old girl who'd drag me to the toys section to look at Barbie dolls", I cried.
I really cried.

I can remember all of it so vividly, it's like I was 5 just yesterday & take a look at me now, it's as if I already have a life of my own.
I don't see grandad as often as I used to & this short time away he seemed to have aged so much, it really breaks my heart to know that one day he'll be gone.
It's funny but we almost never learn to treasure untill something is gone, I've been there before & I really hate that feeling, I don't want to regret only when grandad's not here anymore.

I should stop taking things for granted, because when it comes to this the last thing I have to spare is,

Time.

Hello bitch I can't believe I'm wasting this post on you, but your, "boyfriend", has just told me that the both of you were never together & from the very start he has made it clear that he's not interested in you, but still you threw yourself at him.

Set.

I emphasize on the, you threw yourself at him.

Game.

& you, tried to put me on the guilt trip, tried to make me feel bad about myself for having fun that night.

Match.

I apologise but your "boyfriend", isn't really your, boyfriend, & I believe he has every right to choose who he wants to be around with, without your approval, madamoselle.

I win.

I think I've already realised that I'm not obliged to show my care or concern, I just don't understand how you can be so nonchalent about it. I want to get rid of the awkwardness but damn it I've come to a point where I don't even know how to try. It's bloody pathetic because I know I've never been like this before. I don't like it when I let the pain attack my heart over & over again but yet I don't know how to stop the way I feel.

Some people are just such whores themselves & yet they can still call me a bitch. That night we were all just having fun & perhaps I was dancing a little to close to your boyfriend but what the hell I'm sure you yourself have seen how crowded that dancefloor was, moreover he didn't even tell me he was attached & I don't suppose that's my fault. In the first place this whole thing had absolutely nothing to do with me, so please stop using me as an excuse & putting the blame on me when things are going wrong for the both of you.

I'm so upset at the world.

Marcus's PM reads:
the problem with having 3 dogs is not knowing which one to scold when you find shit on your foot.

HAHAH!

Okay I think I'm seriously mood-swinging because just a moment ago I was reading my previous post & I was like, oh gosh Stacy you depressed little girl.

That aside, my whole body is terribly aching now, must be the result of last night, but I can promise it was a blast!

When I first stepped into K/D's place, my jaw dropped.
All, & I mean ALL, of the furniture were gone!
I freaked out & I was like what the hell did you do to everything, he then took me to one of the rooms, & I felt like such a dork because everything was inside -.-

Made a couple of new friends throughout the night, & some of them are such fun people to be around with, they didn't believe that I wasn't even of age yet & I promise their reaction was so hilarious when I showed them my I/C.

Had a couple of drinks here & there, but I pretty much tried to stay away from them, I didn't want to repeat my *cough* stars *cough* incident again (okay Fiona Neo Wenqi please stop laughing).

Halfway through the night when we were sitting around, Ivy said something about Attica & I promised her if there were no fights going on there I'd lip-lock with her Britney/Madonna style.
Say really it's pretty much predictable, when you have so many of them all in one club.

& as for the rest of the night, I shall not bother to elaborate on the things I've done, but all I can say is that they were pretty... Indecent.

Caught the first train home, thanks Benji for being such a sweetheart (:

[edit]

I was told that the police actually went to Attica & stopped the whole event at 2 AM -.-

See Kieran, ...

[/edit]

So many things/people have been upsetting me.

It makes me feel like shit because I know I can do better than this.
I don't want to admit defeat, but I just don't want, to feel, anymore.

I want to hurt you.
I want to break you.
I want to tear you apart.

I hate you.

Fuck these people. Fuck the shit out of them.

I received a call from Evie just now & she was screaming to me asking if I'm going to Attica tomorrow (yes, screaming) & I was like ARE YOU CRAZY why would I want to be in a club with all the bengs & lians...

She replied saying something like, "imagine yourself trying to dance with all of the bengs & lians squeezing up to you showing off their Para moves."

HAHAHAH!

Moreover, I wouldn't want to miss the private party at K/D's tonight, nobody's going to care if I'm of age or not, no irritating bouncers to say "no photos allowed", there's going to be goooood music, free-flow of drinks & what's more: tonight I'm invited as a VIP.

Can you believe it, A VIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

When one of your best friends is someone like K/D (:

Have you no shame, don't you see me

At 12 AM, I was helping le frère plus âgé with his 1000 word essay on wetland reserves.

What a way to start off the 1 year anniversary.

While waiting for Sam & Tabbi the both of us combed the entire Marina Centre, he bought a shirt from Topman & now I really wonder what the hell was wrong with me because I did no shopping at all -.-

& oh the both of us seriously thought that Sam & Tabbi got lost, I had doubts that they knew the handphones they have in their possessions aren't toys, but eventually I figured that they were probably enjoying, being lost. (Teehee)

Okay fine they got there anyway.

Seoul Garden was terrificccc, & oh yes I really liked the veggies (hahah).
Thank you le frère plus âgé, for the treat (:

After walking from Marina to the Merlion (to use the freaking toilet!!!), & after Sam & Tabbi left for who-knows-where, we made an impromtu plan to catch a movie & SO we walked alllll the way to Suntec because Marina had lousy timings.

Caught The Bee Movie & it is a lousy show.
Even though the characters were rather cute but YES it is, a lousy show.

After the show I said something like "what if one day a bee sees me eating honey & decides to sue me & all of mankind for extortion" & le frère plus âgé totally, gave me the "are you crazy", look.

Hahah whateverrrrr.

Are you still too weak to survive, your mistakes?

HAPPY SWEET 16 TO JASMINE!

Hey Honey, though we haven't met up in so long, you know that I'm still here for you!

I totally caught the older brother "strumming a guitar" when he was co-leading worship with Pastor Jon, & I thought I was such a goon, I really don't know why I found it funny but I had to literally bite myself just to keep me from laughing out loud.

Today felt like such a long day, from PH dance to co-leading PH worship with Wenkai, & just when I thought I could take a break, sit down in a corner with my MP3 & pay abit of attention to my books, I realised that I had to do MV with Steph, & immediatly after that I had to go for Contact Cell.

& no my heels didn't make things any better.

Went to PS with Steph, go ahead & guess what we had for dinner but my apologies because no prizes would be given for the correct answer.

& OH, on the way home, the MRT was so quiet that for a moment I thought that everyone could hear the Evanescence's song (talk about being emo) that I blasted on my MP3, & just when I begun to appreciate that quietness, there was this weird guy that came onto the train, & started chanting some funny prayer REALLY loudly.
I promise I could've strangled him for disrupting that peacefulness.

What, a Sunday.

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO LE FRÈRE PLUS ÂGÉ! :D

I can't believe how time flies, in just a blink of an eye another year's gone, & on this special day of yours I just want to thank you for all that you've done, for believing in me, for the endless support, for your patience, for listening when I felt like shit, for all the breakfast treats, for always buying the happy meal for me (heehee), for letting me vent on you when I felt like I was going to break, for putting up with my occasional childish outbursts, for keeping me from free-falling through life, & if it weren't for you right now I'd still be the same Stacy one year ago.

It still amazes me, everytime I think about how that one word I accidentally blurted out changed my life from the inside out.

20 years down the road, Sylvia would playfully hit Joaquin on the shoulder & call him, "korkor".

Here's 112 pictures, for you to have a Peepshow, of what we got up to.

...Yes, 112 pictures.










Fiona (:


The husband & the wife, hahah.




Meiqi (:




As you can see, while all of them were getting wet...


I was the only one who remained on shore & kept dry (:
(Okay shut up this picture only ended up this way because I got fed up of the sun shining in my eyes so I decided to just do this.)




Josephine getting washed away by the waves, LOL.










I captured her stupidity.




Niegel & Shafiq


Sihao was our human "fan" & hahah yes he totally rocked.












Desmond & Cheewah


"Eh you don't know how to smile ah,"


"That's better!" (:


Caught in the act!


Desmond, Shafiq, Larry, Cheewah, Jinhui, Niegel








Josephine (:




Karim! :D










I was laughing so hard at this picture, why are all of them crowding around the pit?
It's like all of them found fire starting really amusing, hahah.




They were trying to get poor Zhengxian into the water, hahah.


























I like this picture (:










Fall Suhaidi, fall (:


While Iskandar & Zakir were engrossed in their PSP,


We were busy BBQ-ing for everyone,


& the guys were having their fun.






Jinhui & Niegel












Hahah I really don't know what Isakandar was doing.


Karim (:


Fighting horses! (:










Teehee!








I think Fiona would make a really good mother in the future.




Mr Chew's son & best friend.




I thought Niegel looked rather...


Suave, HAHAH.


Karim is totally molesting Jinhui -.-




Iskandar, Zakir, Karim (:




The guys, as you can see.


Iskandar & Karim


Cheewah & Zakir


How we ended off our BBQ...


Hahah I totally threatened Karim by saying that I'll show this picture to Mr James.




Karim (:
(Okay I know my hair was in such a horrible state.)


Iskandar (:


My favourite boys (:


Cheewah's the Man, hahah.


HAHAH Niegel (:








The freaking bicycle at the back was so distracting.






Niegel & Cheewah

3e4'07 (: