Long post ahead.
It's going to be about everything, but yet nothing at all.

Must stop munching on Oreos.
Must stop painting my nails.
Must stop reading irrelevant materials.
Must stop focusing my attention on things that are unimportant.
Must stop spending money when I am already broke.
Must stop feeling like shit.

Must stop thinking about you.

There's this insatiable desire to blog because so many things is bugging me & I'm feeling so burdened but I don't even know what the hell it is I keep having these funny dreams of random people but there's always this one person that always appear without fail would somebody volunteer to interpret my dreams I think I'm going to need psychiatrical help very soon damn it WMP is pissing me off I don't know what the hell is wrong with it but it just won't play my stupid songs & now I have to play them in iTunes
I'm feeling so exhausted & life have been so stegnant & monotonous I really hate the monotony I need some vibrancy & some reasons for me to be enthusiastic about anything & everything like before I'm like just moping around everywhere & it's crazy I really feel like shit I don't know why when the pain hits me I don't cry
I know what I want & if I want to get there I know I have to buck up I want to travel around the world & find a place to settle down anywhere is fine but just not here I want to meet strange new people listen to them tell me interesting stories & do new things I don't want to have the same people around me every single day but of course I love the people that will always be there for me but I just want to breakaway from all that's going on here & YES I am going to flyaway on a plane unless I can find a good enough reason for me to stay
I don't want to have a 9 to 5 job when I grow up I want something that gets my heart racing & makes me eager to get out of bed every single morning this isn't called running away but instead it's really just escaping & if you really sit down & think about it you'll realise that there's a major difference between running away & escaping when you run away you do have a choice but when you're made to escape you don't have this damned thing called a choice you're forced to gasp for air so as to save your life
I am so sick of this particular demoralizing tone that people have & it really drives me crazy when I'm speaking to them but I think that's okay because I've been almost invisible for all this while so it really doesn't matter
I suddenly miss mummy alot I don't know why but I really hope that she's okay she hasn't called & I really hope she won't do anything reckless because I am NOT going to take over her in the future & meddle in all these nonsense I know if I do that I'll eventually get myself killed & chopped up into pieces half of the world probably already wants me dead
I really miss him & that feeling I get when I look into that somebody's eyes & I would give everything just to gaze into his eyes again but seeing the fact that 9 out of 10 he probably can't be bothered with me it's pathetic I know & sometimes I really want to scream out 'I love you' at the top of my lungs even though it probably won't make much difference fuck it I don't know why I keep feeling this way maybe it's just because I really want him back
I won't expect anybody to change for me because I'm too insignificant & I genuinely love the people around me just the way that they are maybe some of them like Fiona really do drive me up the wall but that's okay I still love her alot anyway Liam just left a message saying that he thinks that I'm hot & I told him to screw himself or something I really don't know what the heck is wrong with me I seriously ought to bang my head against a tree & die
Damn it Stacy why aren't you crying your eyeballs out why do you have to be so selfish & be so self-centered you bitch I wish I could just stab you or push you off a building & send you to hell seriously speaking who would care about you & all of your nonsense
I feel like throwing out every single top & every single bottom I have & go shopping for a new wardrobe I hate reminding everyone of everyone else I really wonder how many times I have to repeat this whole cycle
But after looking back & thinking about how I made it through everything in the past made me feel SLIGHTLY better about myself I think over the past few years I've grown mentally & became stronger emotionally but damn it even the person with a heart literally made of steel would still fall & get hurt I feel like I've changed in quite a number of ways & whether growth is anywhere near sufficient is another problem left for another time
I think I've told the both of you how much you remind me of each other & I've already forseen this maybe you just need friends to love you for being an ass just like the people around me who genuinely care & love me including all of my bad attitude & mean ways I know I'm perfect in my own special way & maybe what they tell me is true it's really difficult to find someone that'll really really really appreciate you & all that you do for them

This is such a long entry & I don't think anybody would bother to read all of it but who cares I won't deny the fact that I really hate my life now & I know I really need to brace myself & buck up if I want my wildest dreams to come true because.